FAMILY AND FRIENDS AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME

I could not have made it without my Family, Church Family, Friends and Neighbors during this difficult time in my life. So many have been there to sit with me, even help me financially, make my husband’s Home Going Celebration which was the greatest service imaginable. I know they and many of their husbands are there for me still, just a phone call away should I need them.

However, in my day-to-day living, what I am finding is that many of my friends don’t know what to say to me, they’ve never been through losing their spouse and they are afraid that they might say “the wrong thing” so some are even being a little distant and I am feeling it. While others, are perhaps a little too casual in their conversations, their jokes and unknowingly say things that make me hurt. I know not a single one of them in their wildest dreams would ever intentional try to cause me hurt, but nonetheless, because they don’t understand and have never experienced becoming a widow, it does happen. Even my own Mother calls me and says, “Honey, I’m here for you whatever you need whatever I can do for you to help you through this”. My Father is still living, so even she doesn’t understand that this is something I have to walk through in my life and she can’t take away the hurt or kiss the boo boo or make the bad things go away for me, I just need her to be there.

I fully realize it is ME and this time of grief I am going through with the lonely empty feeling and my own emotions. Most of my friends and family only know of a few of the struggles my husband went through over the past two years and what I’ve been shouldering in caring for him.

So I asked myself where is the happy medium? What is it that truly need from everyone in my life right now?

I can sum it up I believe by sharing with you an example. Last week the Funeral Director called me and told me the Death Certificates were in and ready to be picked up. When I went into the Funeral Home, I left my phone in the car and a friend had called me to ask if I would like to join her for Supper. When I called her back I tried my hardest to maintain, but I totally lost it on the phone. She had no idea where I was or what was going on. I kept crying and apologizing for losing it on the phone, but her words to me were “IT IS OK, YOU HAVE TO CRY TO HEAL INSIDE. I LOVE YOU AND WHATEVER YOU NEED, I AM HERE FOR YOU. IF YOU JUST NEED TO CRY WITH SOMEONE OR FEEL LIKE YOU NEED YELL AND SCREAM, CALL ME. I AM THERE FOR YOU.” I was reminded what Paul wrote in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”

I also read in Ecclesiastes 2:11
(1) To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
(2) A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
(3) a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up;
(4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
(5) A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
(6) a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
(7) A time to rend, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
(8) A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
(9) What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
(10) I have seen the travail, which God hath give to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
(11) He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.


My friend was so right. It is OK for me to cry and I need you just to be there. I have never been a poet like my husband, but these words started coming out of my mouth.

TO HELP ME THROUGH MY GRIEF
By: Walterene Jones

Do not fear me my friends, I do not break.
It is just my heart that so aches.

It is ok for me to cry,
Because it very difficult to say goodbye.

I need your support, love and understanding,
Not a special way of handling.

Just to know you are there should I need you,
Is all it takes and all you can do.

No kid gloves are needed or necessary,
Sometimes I just might need you to pray and be my intercessory.

I must walk through this valley of grief,
However long or however brief.

Just be my friend and lend a shoulder,
Just love me, don’t forget me and with these be a little bolder.