Please Lord

I had said many times that none of us are promised a tomorrow. This knowledge I knew with my mind, now I know it too well with my heart.

As my husband lay in ICU on life support I prayed "Lord, please don't take him away from me". I had watched him for over 2 years literally wither away losing about 100 lbs. Yet, now I stood over his frail body being kept alive by machines and medications telling him how much I loved him and that he had to fight. Each day his doctors would tell me how sick he was and that he was continuing day by day to develop new complications, but I kept praying healing over his body and believing in an Almighty God that is able.

Then the evening came when the Doctor stepped away from his bedside after working non-stop on him leaving all the nurses and attendees standing around his bed continuing to work on him, he escorted me out into the hallway and told me there was nothing else they could do and that his heart had stopped and he was gone.

There laying still and lifeless was not just my husband of over 30 years, but he was my partner in life, my soul mate and my best friend. Now he was gone and would never come home to me again, he was gone.

As I left the hospital that night to go home, I asked God, "How am I going to make it without him? God, I don't know what I am going to do. He has been so much a part of me and who I am." I felt like someone had literally cut out half my heart and half of everything inside of me.

The next few days following I found myself in the book of Psalms, it told me God was my strength and my help. I was also reminded by a friend, that I am complete in God and that ALL things work for my good.

I knew in my heart that my husband had suffered for so long and was so sick and was truly better off now. But that didn't mean that this knowledge took away how much I was missing coming home to him each night, our talks, watching our favorite movies together and just the time we spent together even if we said nothing. I thought about all the incomplete dreams we shared that would never take place now.

While God is still healing my loss and having to refill the emptiness I feel, I read in Ephesians 3:17-19 "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this Love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

This tells me How much God truly loves me and he wants the best for me. I am truly learning that the way we look at Love is so limited because it involves our own emotions, our own needs and our surroundings which have boundaries and an end to them. God's Love and his Faithfulness to us is endless and limitless and his giving never runs dry or runs out. His Love is unconditional and forever.