It is Too Quiet

Sleeping has become very difficult for me. I seem to be able to fall asleep if I get still, but unfortunately I don’t stay asleep. By each afternoon I’m feeling exhausted and yawning.

Taking the advice of many family and friends, I visited my doctor who has taken care of my family for over fifteen years and knows what I’ve been dealing with for so long as well as the recent loss of my husband. He prescribed one of the popular sleeping pills that we all see on the TV Commercials and assured me that it would not only “help me to fall asleep, but to stay asleep”. Yeah Right! I can say I am sleeping more hours, but not through the night. This past weekend I took a short trip to visit my cousin and her family which is only about 80 miles away. The trip was just what I have been needing, a change of scenery, visit with family and to relax. While visiting with my cousin, I took my big queen air mattress and set it up in her living room and her granddaughter slept on the couch next to me. I slept so good through the night, it was unbelievable and the child even kept the TV on all night. They even have a giant noisy rooster that crowed through the morning hours. I would hear him and rouse a little, but nothing disturbed me resting. My trip provided me with the realization that perhaps I am not sleeping because no one is there with me now and I am alone in the house and it is too quiet.

For the past two years, I have had interrupted and broken sleep each night taking care of my husband. Now, there is no one beside me and nothing to wake me. My sleeping environment has changed so quickly and I obviously haven’t been able to adjust to the total quiet. Anyone that knows me, knows very well, that I don’t like change especially sudden change. I like my rut and my routine. So when change takes place, it takes me some time to slowly adjust.

I read in Isaiah 30:15 (The King James Version) “…..in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength:…” and find myself saying, But Lord, I don’t like all this quiet and I’m not accustomed to it. Then he so tenderly and lovingly tells me to “be still, rest in his arms and he will take me through this time.” I then say, Ok Lord I’ve walked with you many years and you’ve carried me through many valleys and times of great battles in my life.

Proverbs 14:26-27 tells me “In the fear (revered trust) of the Lord is strong confidence…” and “The fear (revered trust) of the Lord is a fountain of life…”

Over the past few years I thought that I had really learned was trusting in God was like, but now I am learning a new level of trust in the quietness of my life. I know that God will bring me through this difficult time stronger than before and when I am weak God will be strong on my behalf. So in the quietness Lord, I will draw closer to you.