It has been almost a month since my husband’s passing. My life feels so strange and yet in a bizarre way a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders and my new beginning seems to have so many doors of opportunity for me to choose from. For the past two years, my entire life has been working my full time job and taking care of my husband’s medical and physical needs.
This month has been a hard month. It is the little things that I come across or remember that breaks my heart and makes me miss him so much. I came across his medical pager issued to him through the Transplant Center, the one that never got a chance to go off. I found myself running out of checks and had to reorder checks, and I had to remove his name which took everything in me to do. I had to take a copy of his Death Certificate and process a claim to pay off the car loan. Everywhere I look, I see him and I thank God that I was so blessed to have over 30 years with a Great Man that loved God and had a heart after God and loved the work of the Lord. I had what most women long for and dream of having, but don’t have in their marriages. My husband was a romantic and just the other night I came across a couple of poems he had written to me telling me how much he loved me and thanked God for me. Yes, I totally lost it and I believe that every inch of my being sobbed.
But then I read a scripture in Isaiah 41:10 that says “So do not fear; for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” God let me know and was reassuring me that there is nothing that I am going to face that God will not be right there holding me and carrying me through, giving me that special strength and peace that can only come from Him.
2 comments:
Yes you have been blessed to have Steve in your life he truly was a man after God's own heart. what a blessing to hear him talk about his Lord and he lived what he talked about. i remember our August birthdays and who would call who first to wish a happy birthday too. i remember growing up together and playing at grandpa and grandma's. he will be missed, but we will always have the great memories. Love you Gayla
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