I found myself feeling sorry for myself. My “check engine” light had begun glowing brightly on the dashboard of my car, once again I had forgotten to take out the trash on pick up day, the smoke detector battery was dead, both of the tags on my car were expired and there were light bulbs going out all over the house. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much to you, but these are the things that my husband would have taken care of. As his illness progressed over the past 2 years, he was unable to do a lot and I took on more and more of the responsibilities and tasks, but these were all the little things he still did plus I knew I could call him and even if he just said, “It is going to be alright” it made it all ok. Now he is not there to call and to hear his reassurance or instructions on what I need to do.
Once again the feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. But I remembered that God has promised me in…
Phillipians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. “
I then also remembered a passage about David and his army that had been off fighting at war. When they returned, the enemy had come into their camp and kidnapped all their wives and children and took them away which included his beloved Abigail. They had no one to encourage them up and it says in…
1Sam 30:6 “And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.”
So I collected myself and told myself “It is going to be alright, you are a strong woman and capable of taking care of all this”. People that know me, know that I am a person that relies on Lists for everything. So I made myself a list. Instead of saying “Why Lord?” I went through my list and took care of everything. I called a friend’s husband who had told me “if you ever need anything….” So he told me to bring the car over and while he was fixing the car, just to plan to have supper with them. It was a great evening with friends. I bought a whole new smoke detector because I realized the old one was at least 15 years old, I bought light bulbs and starting going through the house replacing them. I went to buy the tags for the car and then went to have it inspected and asked the man at the service station to put the tags on my windshield for me. I am still forgetting trash day, but I am working on it. I’m finding that instead of having to rush home each evening to care for my husband as I had become so accustomed to doing, I can take care all these little chores.
After completing everything, I began to feel guilty for questioning the Lord why he had chosen not to heal Steve and he took him from me. A very dear friend of mine sent me an email that she attached the words to a song that she had written. When I read it, tears of joy began to flow and I could just see my husband in heaven and I really really knew in my heart how much he had suffered and gone through and now he was able to be Steve again, happy, full of joy, laughing and singing in heaven.
Everytime something has gone wrong or happened, God has placed someone in my path to take care of things and help me. I’d like to share my friend’s Song Lyrics with you. May you be blessed and uplifted as I was.
"PEACE LIKE A RIVER FLOWED"
AS I LAY DOWN LAST NIGHT,
TO REST MY WEARY HEART,
THE LORD GAVE ME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DREAM.
I SAW THE GATES OF HEAVEN OPEN WIDE,
AS HEAVENLY ANGELS BEGAN TO SING,
AND PEACE LIKE A RIVER FLOWED OVER ME.
FOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHORUS,
I HEARD A SWEET FAMILIAR VOICE,
AND I LOOKED, BUT I KNEW, WHAT I WOULD SEE.
YES, I SAW YOU STANDING THERE,
WITHOUT A PAIN, WITHOUT A CARE,
AND I KNEW THAT YOU WERE WHERE,
YOU WANTED TO BE.
NOT ON THIS EARTH HERE BELOW,
WITH ALL ITS' SORROWS AND ALL ITS' WOES,
AND I FELT PEACE, LIKE A RIVER,
FLOW OVER ME.
YES, I KNOW I'LL ALWAYS MISS YOU,
BUT SOMEDAY, I'LL JOIN YOU THERE,
AND WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN.
SISTER AND BROTHER,
FATHER AND MOTHER,
DAUGHTER AND SON, WITH ONE ANOTHER,
THAT'S WHY THIS PEACE, LIKE A RIVER,
FLOWS OVER ME.
AND I HEARD BELLS IN HEAVEN RINGING,
AS EACH ANGEL, AND THE CHOIR BEGAN TO SING.
AND I HEARD YOU LAUGH FOR JOY,
YOU WERE HAPPY I COULD SEE,
AND PEACE LIKE A RIVER,
A MIGHTY RUSHING RIVER,
I FELT PEACE, LIKE A RIVER,
FLOW OVER ME.......
BY: SHIRLEY BONOAN
Monday, April 21, 2008
My Life is in You Lord
Life is so unpredictable for me these days. My emotions are like a roller coaster out of control and it is so confusing. I love to participate and go to our Women’s Ministry functions and Leaders Meetings. They are always great, filled with fun, fellowship and so much love. We have such a great team of leaders and we all gel together so beautifully and work in harmony like a well oiled machine. However, when the function, meeting or event is over and I go home, it means going home to be alone. I don’t even have to arrive at home before I am already feeling the emptiness and loneliness and it becomes at times overwhelming. It feels like I’ve climbed a tall ladder standing on the very top (while the event is taking place), then all of a sudden someone pulls the ladder from underneath me and I fall flat. One moment I’m laughing with friends and enjoying myself, the next I am at an all time low feeling only hurt, despair and loneliness.
Most of the time now, it makes me dread the upcoming functions even though I love them dearly and I don’t think I could make it without them, I know that they all will end and if it all works the way it has been, I will drive home sobbing and missing my husband and best friend so much it even makes my chest hurt just like I have undergone surgery, which in a way I have….half of me was taken away.
I find myself saying, “Lord you promised in I Cor. 10:13 that you would never put on me more than I can bear, but lord this hurts so bad I don’t think I can make it. How can I go on? Lord you also promised me in Hebrews 13:5b that “… Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” You also promised me in John 14:18 that you would not leave me comfortless, but that you would come to me.
If you are with me Lord why am I feeling so alone and why does it hurt so much? Lord I’m trying to be wise and be strong and make some changes and add things to my life as I begin my new life all over again at 53 years of age. I am trying to do new things, reach out to others, stay active in the Women’s Ministry where you know my heart is. Lord, all the books I’ve been reading on the stages of grief I understand and identify with 100%, but it feels like I’m going through all of the stages at once and it overwhelms me. I don’t know what else I can do Lord but look to you, draw close to you, and you Lord fill the empty place that my husband occupied for so long. My Life and hope is in you Lord.
Most of the time now, it makes me dread the upcoming functions even though I love them dearly and I don’t think I could make it without them, I know that they all will end and if it all works the way it has been, I will drive home sobbing and missing my husband and best friend so much it even makes my chest hurt just like I have undergone surgery, which in a way I have….half of me was taken away.
I find myself saying, “Lord you promised in I Cor. 10:13 that you would never put on me more than I can bear, but lord this hurts so bad I don’t think I can make it. How can I go on? Lord you also promised me in Hebrews 13:5b that “… Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” You also promised me in John 14:18 that you would not leave me comfortless, but that you would come to me.
If you are with me Lord why am I feeling so alone and why does it hurt so much? Lord I’m trying to be wise and be strong and make some changes and add things to my life as I begin my new life all over again at 53 years of age. I am trying to do new things, reach out to others, stay active in the Women’s Ministry where you know my heart is. Lord, all the books I’ve been reading on the stages of grief I understand and identify with 100%, but it feels like I’m going through all of the stages at once and it overwhelms me. I don’t know what else I can do Lord but look to you, draw close to you, and you Lord fill the empty place that my husband occupied for so long. My Life and hope is in you Lord.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Now Comes New Growth
My 6 year old granddaughter had been after me to let her plant flowers in the big flower box in front of my house. The flower box was filled with red Kalanchoes and to be honest I was growing somewhat tired of looking at them too. For 2 evenings she and I worked at cleaning out the big flower box, making sure to pull the old plants roots and all up. I explained to her that we had to start fresh and new. She didn’t like removing the old plants and complained and said the dirt was stinky but I kept encouraging her to keep going because we couldn’t plant anything new until she had removed all the old plants. We then started the process of pouring in New Top Soil which meant breaking up large clumps of moist fresh dark rich soil with our hands and making sure it was spread evenly and smoothly over the entire flower box. Finally, last night it was time for the fun stuff, or at least she thought. I went down the entire length of the box and dug partial holes spaced evenly apart and would place 1 small plant in the hole until all the holes had a plant sitting in them. I then showed her how to dig the hole out to be just the right depth and gently hold the new little plant in place while covering it with soil and then gently pressing it into place.
The time had come that she had been so eagerly awaiting, to plant all colors of pretty flowers. So I went to sit on the porch swing and leave her to her fun. Soon she announced that she was finished and I went to look at her work. At the end of the box I saw where it was very obvious that she had begun to grow tired and didn’t do a very good job, so I sent her back to redo those. She was realizing that it was hard work to plant and grow something new and beautiful. I hooked up the water hose and brought it around there and of course she thought watering was the best and most fun of all. So again I left her to do the job while I sat and watched. Finally I figured everything had enough water and I turned it off and we went inside to clean up.
Right now, my life feels a lot like my planting experience with my granddaughter. What I’ve known and had for so long has been totally removed from me. Inside I literally feel an empty hole where my husband used to occupy. If I allow myself to wallow in self-pity all I see is emptiness, but I choose to look at my life like our new flower garden. Yes, God chose to take my husband home to Glory with him and to end his suffering and there are some things I am going through that is taking lots of work to get them all finalized, but God has given me a new fresh life to begin completely anew. Yes I still hurt, cry and miss my husband and my day-to-day life feels very scary at times, but God is also giving me his Peace that Passes all understanding and I know he has something very special in store for me. Just like the flowers that we planted, I must now feed and water all the new opportunities in my life so that I can produce new growth in all its brilliant color and beauty. I know I will face times of wanting to give up just like my granddaughter when she grew weary of having to go through the tedious process, but in the end, she and I can stand back and see what our work produced and enjoy every moment of it.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
Ps 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
Ps 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
Ps 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.
Isa 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Heb. 13:21 (God will) Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
The time had come that she had been so eagerly awaiting, to plant all colors of pretty flowers. So I went to sit on the porch swing and leave her to her fun. Soon she announced that she was finished and I went to look at her work. At the end of the box I saw where it was very obvious that she had begun to grow tired and didn’t do a very good job, so I sent her back to redo those. She was realizing that it was hard work to plant and grow something new and beautiful. I hooked up the water hose and brought it around there and of course she thought watering was the best and most fun of all. So again I left her to do the job while I sat and watched. Finally I figured everything had enough water and I turned it off and we went inside to clean up.
Right now, my life feels a lot like my planting experience with my granddaughter. What I’ve known and had for so long has been totally removed from me. Inside I literally feel an empty hole where my husband used to occupy. If I allow myself to wallow in self-pity all I see is emptiness, but I choose to look at my life like our new flower garden. Yes, God chose to take my husband home to Glory with him and to end his suffering and there are some things I am going through that is taking lots of work to get them all finalized, but God has given me a new fresh life to begin completely anew. Yes I still hurt, cry and miss my husband and my day-to-day life feels very scary at times, but God is also giving me his Peace that Passes all understanding and I know he has something very special in store for me. Just like the flowers that we planted, I must now feed and water all the new opportunities in my life so that I can produce new growth in all its brilliant color and beauty. I know I will face times of wanting to give up just like my granddaughter when she grew weary of having to go through the tedious process, but in the end, she and I can stand back and see what our work produced and enjoy every moment of it.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
Ps 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
Ps 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
Ps 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.
Isa 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Heb. 13:21 (God will) Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is well pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
A New Day Dawns
I went to a family member’s wedding this past weekend. I thought it would be very difficult emotionally, but I looked into the faces of the young couple as they said their vows to one another and I saw that special New Love. The wedding brought back some precious happy memories and I remembered the look on my husband’s face at our Wedding and even remember after the ceremony my mother-in-law telling me “Watching how you two looked at each other, this marriage can’t help but last”. I shared with the young couple that marriage is a choice and that Love is for a lifetime and that it really is “until death us do part”.
I am finding with the passing of my husband of 30 years my is life changing so rapidly and I am having to learn things all over again. Everything is different now. I’m even having to change my verbal responses to people because it is no longer “Us” or “We”, but “I” and “Me”. It feels like every morning God is presenting some new and exciting opportunities for me to explore and fill my days as A New Day Dawns for me.
God has blessed me so much with my friends and family and the outpouring of love that I feel from each one is so unbelievable, yet all of their love can’t fill the empty place in my heart from missing my husband, but I am purposely trying to fill my thoughts and mind each day with all the years of Good and Happy Memories and the Love that we shared.
Now, I must grasp each New Day that Dawns for me and seek God, hold tight to him and trust him to show me the way. I know that God has a special plan and purpose for me and my life and that his way is perfect. I must also walk through the new doors and seize the new opportunities that God is laying before me.
I received an email from a cousin that gives you a link for you to type in your birth date and it will bring up your special Birth Date Scripture which I did. My scripture was found in I Corinthians 7:17 (NIV) “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him…”
I am finding with the passing of my husband of 30 years my is life changing so rapidly and I am having to learn things all over again. Everything is different now. I’m even having to change my verbal responses to people because it is no longer “Us” or “We”, but “I” and “Me”. It feels like every morning God is presenting some new and exciting opportunities for me to explore and fill my days as A New Day Dawns for me.
God has blessed me so much with my friends and family and the outpouring of love that I feel from each one is so unbelievable, yet all of their love can’t fill the empty place in my heart from missing my husband, but I am purposely trying to fill my thoughts and mind each day with all the years of Good and Happy Memories and the Love that we shared.
Now, I must grasp each New Day that Dawns for me and seek God, hold tight to him and trust him to show me the way. I know that God has a special plan and purpose for me and my life and that his way is perfect. I must also walk through the new doors and seize the new opportunities that God is laying before me.
I received an email from a cousin that gives you a link for you to type in your birth date and it will bring up your special Birth Date Scripture which I did. My scripture was found in I Corinthians 7:17 (NIV) “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him…”
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Look Up
This morning as I sat working, I had a CD of Kathy Triccoli playing in my office and she began singing “Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus” and my thoughts went back years ago when I wrote a Bible Study for Women based upon the Fairy Tale story of Repunzel.
In the lesson I told the story about an ugly evil old witch who was so jealous of the beautiful baby girl born in the kingdom that she stole her away and took her to a far away land and locked her in a tall tower and made sure there were no mirrors or reflective surfaces in the tower. Each day the ugly old witch would come and tell the girl that she looked just like her, so she grew up into a young woman not knowing any difference. One day as she was on her balcony at the very top of the tower a handsome young prince saw the beautiful maiden and had to meet her. When he could find no way up to her, he called up to her “Repunzel, Repunzel let down your golden hair”. When he climbed up to her, she wouldn’t look at him in the face and would keep her face turned saying “I am too ugly for you to look upon”. Lovingly and gently he took her face into his hands and turned her face to his and when she looked at her Prince face to face, for the first time she saw her true reflection in the eyes of her Prince.
These days I MUST keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus, my Prince of Peace, my Lord of Lords. This song really blessed me and I wanted to share it with you.
Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus
O soul, are you weary and troubled?No light in the darkness you see?There’s a light for a look at the Savior,And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face,And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;Believe Him, and all will be well:Then go to a world that is dying,His perfect salvation to tell!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face,And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.
Scripture also tells me…
Ps 33:18 - The LORD's eyes are on those who fear him, on those who wait with hope for his mercy
Ps 34:15 - The LORD's eyes are on righteous people. His ears hear their cry for help.
So I know that my Prince of Peace is watching me and all I have to do is look into my Lord’s face for strength and help and declare …
Ps 141:8 - But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge
Ps 121: 1-2 “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.”
Ps 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
In the lesson I told the story about an ugly evil old witch who was so jealous of the beautiful baby girl born in the kingdom that she stole her away and took her to a far away land and locked her in a tall tower and made sure there were no mirrors or reflective surfaces in the tower. Each day the ugly old witch would come and tell the girl that she looked just like her, so she grew up into a young woman not knowing any difference. One day as she was on her balcony at the very top of the tower a handsome young prince saw the beautiful maiden and had to meet her. When he could find no way up to her, he called up to her “Repunzel, Repunzel let down your golden hair”. When he climbed up to her, she wouldn’t look at him in the face and would keep her face turned saying “I am too ugly for you to look upon”. Lovingly and gently he took her face into his hands and turned her face to his and when she looked at her Prince face to face, for the first time she saw her true reflection in the eyes of her Prince.
These days I MUST keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus, my Prince of Peace, my Lord of Lords. This song really blessed me and I wanted to share it with you.
Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus
O soul, are you weary and troubled?No light in the darkness you see?There’s a light for a look at the Savior,And life more abundant and free!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face,And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.
His Word shall not fail you—He promised;Believe Him, and all will be well:Then go to a world that is dying,His perfect salvation to tell!
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face,And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.
Scripture also tells me…
Ps 33:18 - The LORD's eyes are on those who fear him, on those who wait with hope for his mercy
Ps 34:15 - The LORD's eyes are on righteous people. His ears hear their cry for help.
So I know that my Prince of Peace is watching me and all I have to do is look into my Lord’s face for strength and help and declare …
Ps 141:8 - But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge
Ps 121: 1-2 “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.”
Ps 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Through My Valley of Tears
I’ve never been one to display many of my personal emotions in public. Certain members of my family had formed the opinion that I was even a bit hard hearted because even at funerals and the death of my grandparents and sisters I didn’t show much emotion. Grieving has always been an extremely personal time for me. I’ve always done my grieving in private. However, these days after losing my husband, I find that uncontrollable emotion and tears easily and frequently flow and it doesn’t matter who I am with or where I am.
As women all of us go through deep dark valleys at times. Some are divorce, illness, death---there are all types of enormous places of sorrows for us to go through and find ourselves in a Valley of Tears. God doesn’t promise us a trouble- free life, but He does say that Valleys of Tears will eventually become pools of blessing. We must always remember to choose our attitudes. I have to constantly remind myself that I alone must decide to trust Him during this difficult season or I can bury myself in bitter self-pity.
“When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!” Psalm 84:6 (NLT)
Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (NIV).
Psalms 147:3
“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 55:22
“Cast your burden on the Lord and he shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Psalms 30:5
“For his anger is but for a moment, his favor is for life. Weeping may endure for a night, but Joy cometh in the morning.”
Although the pain and loneliness I feel may linger for a long time, I know the Lord will lead me out of my Valley of Tears to a Life filled with Victories and one day I will be standing on a mountain top again.
As women all of us go through deep dark valleys at times. Some are divorce, illness, death---there are all types of enormous places of sorrows for us to go through and find ourselves in a Valley of Tears. God doesn’t promise us a trouble- free life, but He does say that Valleys of Tears will eventually become pools of blessing. We must always remember to choose our attitudes. I have to constantly remind myself that I alone must decide to trust Him during this difficult season or I can bury myself in bitter self-pity.
“When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!” Psalm 84:6 (NLT)
Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (NIV).
Psalms 147:3
“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 55:22
“Cast your burden on the Lord and he shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Psalms 30:5
“For his anger is but for a moment, his favor is for life. Weeping may endure for a night, but Joy cometh in the morning.”
Although the pain and loneliness I feel may linger for a long time, I know the Lord will lead me out of my Valley of Tears to a Life filled with Victories and one day I will be standing on a mountain top again.
It is Too Quiet
Sleeping has become very difficult for me. I seem to be able to fall asleep if I get still, but unfortunately I don’t stay asleep. By each afternoon I’m feeling exhausted and yawning.
Taking the advice of many family and friends, I visited my doctor who has taken care of my family for over fifteen years and knows what I’ve been dealing with for so long as well as the recent loss of my husband. He prescribed one of the popular sleeping pills that we all see on the TV Commercials and assured me that it would not only “help me to fall asleep, but to stay asleep”. Yeah Right! I can say I am sleeping more hours, but not through the night. This past weekend I took a short trip to visit my cousin and her family which is only about 80 miles away. The trip was just what I have been needing, a change of scenery, visit with family and to relax. While visiting with my cousin, I took my big queen air mattress and set it up in her living room and her granddaughter slept on the couch next to me. I slept so good through the night, it was unbelievable and the child even kept the TV on all night. They even have a giant noisy rooster that crowed through the morning hours. I would hear him and rouse a little, but nothing disturbed me resting. My trip provided me with the realization that perhaps I am not sleeping because no one is there with me now and I am alone in the house and it is too quiet.
For the past two years, I have had interrupted and broken sleep each night taking care of my husband. Now, there is no one beside me and nothing to wake me. My sleeping environment has changed so quickly and I obviously haven’t been able to adjust to the total quiet. Anyone that knows me, knows very well, that I don’t like change especially sudden change. I like my rut and my routine. So when change takes place, it takes me some time to slowly adjust.
I read in Isaiah 30:15 (The King James Version) “…..in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength:…” and find myself saying, But Lord, I don’t like all this quiet and I’m not accustomed to it. Then he so tenderly and lovingly tells me to “be still, rest in his arms and he will take me through this time.” I then say, Ok Lord I’ve walked with you many years and you’ve carried me through many valleys and times of great battles in my life.
Proverbs 14:26-27 tells me “In the fear (revered trust) of the Lord is strong confidence…” and “The fear (revered trust) of the Lord is a fountain of life…”
Over the past few years I thought that I had really learned was trusting in God was like, but now I am learning a new level of trust in the quietness of my life. I know that God will bring me through this difficult time stronger than before and when I am weak God will be strong on my behalf. So in the quietness Lord, I will draw closer to you.
Taking the advice of many family and friends, I visited my doctor who has taken care of my family for over fifteen years and knows what I’ve been dealing with for so long as well as the recent loss of my husband. He prescribed one of the popular sleeping pills that we all see on the TV Commercials and assured me that it would not only “help me to fall asleep, but to stay asleep”. Yeah Right! I can say I am sleeping more hours, but not through the night. This past weekend I took a short trip to visit my cousin and her family which is only about 80 miles away. The trip was just what I have been needing, a change of scenery, visit with family and to relax. While visiting with my cousin, I took my big queen air mattress and set it up in her living room and her granddaughter slept on the couch next to me. I slept so good through the night, it was unbelievable and the child even kept the TV on all night. They even have a giant noisy rooster that crowed through the morning hours. I would hear him and rouse a little, but nothing disturbed me resting. My trip provided me with the realization that perhaps I am not sleeping because no one is there with me now and I am alone in the house and it is too quiet.
For the past two years, I have had interrupted and broken sleep each night taking care of my husband. Now, there is no one beside me and nothing to wake me. My sleeping environment has changed so quickly and I obviously haven’t been able to adjust to the total quiet. Anyone that knows me, knows very well, that I don’t like change especially sudden change. I like my rut and my routine. So when change takes place, it takes me some time to slowly adjust.
I read in Isaiah 30:15 (The King James Version) “…..in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength:…” and find myself saying, But Lord, I don’t like all this quiet and I’m not accustomed to it. Then he so tenderly and lovingly tells me to “be still, rest in his arms and he will take me through this time.” I then say, Ok Lord I’ve walked with you many years and you’ve carried me through many valleys and times of great battles in my life.
Proverbs 14:26-27 tells me “In the fear (revered trust) of the Lord is strong confidence…” and “The fear (revered trust) of the Lord is a fountain of life…”
Over the past few years I thought that I had really learned was trusting in God was like, but now I am learning a new level of trust in the quietness of my life. I know that God will bring me through this difficult time stronger than before and when I am weak God will be strong on my behalf. So in the quietness Lord, I will draw closer to you.
Monday, April 7, 2008
LIFE IS BUT A VAPOR
Why do we always think we have lots of time and think we can always “do it tomorrow” or that things you see on the evening news only happen to other people? Why? We think that way because we are human beings. I heard my Pastor’s wife tell me recently how God created man to live forever (until Adam and Eve messed things up) so our minds do not comprehend death.
My stomach was tied in knots and I was feeling sick to my stomach I was having trouble eating. I sat there watching the steam rise from my food. It would rise and disappear in seconds. God’s word tells us in James 4:14 “For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.“ yet still we think we have forever. We find ourselves planning next year’s vacation or the Holidays that are still months away never stopping to think we may not make it until then.
February 14, 2008, Valentine’s Day will be a day I will never forget. My husband the romantic was in the hospital. He always wanted me to stay with him at night when he was in the hospital, so I would sleep on a pull out bed next to him. That morning, we both woke up as usual, I got dressed for work, leaned over his hospital bed and kissed him and told him how much I loved him and that I would see him after work, he told me that he loved me and to please be careful driving to work. In my mind I was planning a special Valentine’s Evening there at the hospital for the two of us. He loved Holidays so this one I said would be no different, the place might be different, but we would spend our Valentine’s Day together. I didn’t know until later that he had talked to our daughter that morning after I left upset because he was in the hospital and couldn’t do something for me on Valentine’s Day, and he asked her to do something for him.
At lunch time that day I called to check on him and found out that he had accidentally aspirated the fluids in his esophagus from his stomach into his lungs, went into respiratory arrest and was rushed to ICU and put on a ventilator. Those last few words still ring through my mind because they were the last words we ever spoke to each other.
If you were never able to converse and speak to those you love the most again, what would the last words be that you spoke to them? Would they be words spoken in anger, hatred and bitterness or ones filled with love and happiness?
We never know if this moment or this breath may be our last. Believe me when I tell you that you never know just how much you miss someone until they are gone. All of us have relatives that we just can’t seem to get along with, or have hurt us in some way or perhaps are just ornery. Don’t let life slip through your fingers and miss the opportunity to mend your relationship fences with those that you love, your estranged family members and friends because you may never have another chance. And believe it or not, You Will Care if you wait too long.
My stomach was tied in knots and I was feeling sick to my stomach I was having trouble eating. I sat there watching the steam rise from my food. It would rise and disappear in seconds. God’s word tells us in James 4:14 “For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.“ yet still we think we have forever. We find ourselves planning next year’s vacation or the Holidays that are still months away never stopping to think we may not make it until then.
February 14, 2008, Valentine’s Day will be a day I will never forget. My husband the romantic was in the hospital. He always wanted me to stay with him at night when he was in the hospital, so I would sleep on a pull out bed next to him. That morning, we both woke up as usual, I got dressed for work, leaned over his hospital bed and kissed him and told him how much I loved him and that I would see him after work, he told me that he loved me and to please be careful driving to work. In my mind I was planning a special Valentine’s Evening there at the hospital for the two of us. He loved Holidays so this one I said would be no different, the place might be different, but we would spend our Valentine’s Day together. I didn’t know until later that he had talked to our daughter that morning after I left upset because he was in the hospital and couldn’t do something for me on Valentine’s Day, and he asked her to do something for him.
At lunch time that day I called to check on him and found out that he had accidentally aspirated the fluids in his esophagus from his stomach into his lungs, went into respiratory arrest and was rushed to ICU and put on a ventilator. Those last few words still ring through my mind because they were the last words we ever spoke to each other.
If you were never able to converse and speak to those you love the most again, what would the last words be that you spoke to them? Would they be words spoken in anger, hatred and bitterness or ones filled with love and happiness?
We never know if this moment or this breath may be our last. Believe me when I tell you that you never know just how much you miss someone until they are gone. All of us have relatives that we just can’t seem to get along with, or have hurt us in some way or perhaps are just ornery. Don’t let life slip through your fingers and miss the opportunity to mend your relationship fences with those that you love, your estranged family members and friends because you may never have another chance. And believe it or not, You Will Care if you wait too long.
FAMILY AND FRIENDS AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME
I could not have made it without my Family, Church Family, Friends and Neighbors during this difficult time in my life. So many have been there to sit with me, even help me financially, make my husband’s Home Going Celebration which was the greatest service imaginable. I know they and many of their husbands are there for me still, just a phone call away should I need them.
However, in my day-to-day living, what I am finding is that many of my friends don’t know what to say to me, they’ve never been through losing their spouse and they are afraid that they might say “the wrong thing” so some are even being a little distant and I am feeling it. While others, are perhaps a little too casual in their conversations, their jokes and unknowingly say things that make me hurt. I know not a single one of them in their wildest dreams would ever intentional try to cause me hurt, but nonetheless, because they don’t understand and have never experienced becoming a widow, it does happen. Even my own Mother calls me and says, “Honey, I’m here for you whatever you need whatever I can do for you to help you through this”. My Father is still living, so even she doesn’t understand that this is something I have to walk through in my life and she can’t take away the hurt or kiss the boo boo or make the bad things go away for me, I just need her to be there.
I fully realize it is ME and this time of grief I am going through with the lonely empty feeling and my own emotions. Most of my friends and family only know of a few of the struggles my husband went through over the past two years and what I’ve been shouldering in caring for him.
So I asked myself where is the happy medium? What is it that truly need from everyone in my life right now?
I can sum it up I believe by sharing with you an example. Last week the Funeral Director called me and told me the Death Certificates were in and ready to be picked up. When I went into the Funeral Home, I left my phone in the car and a friend had called me to ask if I would like to join her for Supper. When I called her back I tried my hardest to maintain, but I totally lost it on the phone. She had no idea where I was or what was going on. I kept crying and apologizing for losing it on the phone, but her words to me were “IT IS OK, YOU HAVE TO CRY TO HEAL INSIDE. I LOVE YOU AND WHATEVER YOU NEED, I AM HERE FOR YOU. IF YOU JUST NEED TO CRY WITH SOMEONE OR FEEL LIKE YOU NEED YELL AND SCREAM, CALL ME. I AM THERE FOR YOU.” I was reminded what Paul wrote in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”
I also read in Ecclesiastes 2:11
(1) To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
(2) A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
(3) a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up;
(4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
(5) A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
(6) a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
(7) A time to rend, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
(8) A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
(9) What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
(10) I have seen the travail, which God hath give to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
(11) He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
My friend was so right. It is OK for me to cry and I need you just to be there. I have never been a poet like my husband, but these words started coming out of my mouth.
TO HELP ME THROUGH MY GRIEF
By: Walterene Jones
Do not fear me my friends, I do not break.
It is just my heart that so aches.
It is ok for me to cry,
Because it very difficult to say goodbye.
I need your support, love and understanding,
Not a special way of handling.
Just to know you are there should I need you,
Is all it takes and all you can do.
No kid gloves are needed or necessary,
Sometimes I just might need you to pray and be my intercessory.
I must walk through this valley of grief,
However long or however brief.
Just be my friend and lend a shoulder,
Just love me, don’t forget me and with these be a little bolder.
However, in my day-to-day living, what I am finding is that many of my friends don’t know what to say to me, they’ve never been through losing their spouse and they are afraid that they might say “the wrong thing” so some are even being a little distant and I am feeling it. While others, are perhaps a little too casual in their conversations, their jokes and unknowingly say things that make me hurt. I know not a single one of them in their wildest dreams would ever intentional try to cause me hurt, but nonetheless, because they don’t understand and have never experienced becoming a widow, it does happen. Even my own Mother calls me and says, “Honey, I’m here for you whatever you need whatever I can do for you to help you through this”. My Father is still living, so even she doesn’t understand that this is something I have to walk through in my life and she can’t take away the hurt or kiss the boo boo or make the bad things go away for me, I just need her to be there.
I fully realize it is ME and this time of grief I am going through with the lonely empty feeling and my own emotions. Most of my friends and family only know of a few of the struggles my husband went through over the past two years and what I’ve been shouldering in caring for him.
So I asked myself where is the happy medium? What is it that truly need from everyone in my life right now?
I can sum it up I believe by sharing with you an example. Last week the Funeral Director called me and told me the Death Certificates were in and ready to be picked up. When I went into the Funeral Home, I left my phone in the car and a friend had called me to ask if I would like to join her for Supper. When I called her back I tried my hardest to maintain, but I totally lost it on the phone. She had no idea where I was or what was going on. I kept crying and apologizing for losing it on the phone, but her words to me were “IT IS OK, YOU HAVE TO CRY TO HEAL INSIDE. I LOVE YOU AND WHATEVER YOU NEED, I AM HERE FOR YOU. IF YOU JUST NEED TO CRY WITH SOMEONE OR FEEL LIKE YOU NEED YELL AND SCREAM, CALL ME. I AM THERE FOR YOU.” I was reminded what Paul wrote in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”
I also read in Ecclesiastes 2:11
(1) To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
(2) A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
(3) a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up;
(4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
(5) A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
(6) a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
(7) A time to rend, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
(8) A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
(9) What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
(10) I have seen the travail, which God hath give to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
(11) He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
My friend was so right. It is OK for me to cry and I need you just to be there. I have never been a poet like my husband, but these words started coming out of my mouth.
TO HELP ME THROUGH MY GRIEF
By: Walterene Jones
Do not fear me my friends, I do not break.
It is just my heart that so aches.
It is ok for me to cry,
Because it very difficult to say goodbye.
I need your support, love and understanding,
Not a special way of handling.
Just to know you are there should I need you,
Is all it takes and all you can do.
No kid gloves are needed or necessary,
Sometimes I just might need you to pray and be my intercessory.
I must walk through this valley of grief,
However long or however brief.
Just be my friend and lend a shoulder,
Just love me, don’t forget me and with these be a little bolder.
Friday, April 4, 2008
A Month Passes
It has been almost a month since my husband’s passing. My life feels so strange and yet in a bizarre way a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders and my new beginning seems to have so many doors of opportunity for me to choose from. For the past two years, my entire life has been working my full time job and taking care of my husband’s medical and physical needs.
This month has been a hard month. It is the little things that I come across or remember that breaks my heart and makes me miss him so much. I came across his medical pager issued to him through the Transplant Center, the one that never got a chance to go off. I found myself running out of checks and had to reorder checks, and I had to remove his name which took everything in me to do. I had to take a copy of his Death Certificate and process a claim to pay off the car loan. Everywhere I look, I see him and I thank God that I was so blessed to have over 30 years with a Great Man that loved God and had a heart after God and loved the work of the Lord. I had what most women long for and dream of having, but don’t have in their marriages. My husband was a romantic and just the other night I came across a couple of poems he had written to me telling me how much he loved me and thanked God for me. Yes, I totally lost it and I believe that every inch of my being sobbed.
But then I read a scripture in Isaiah 41:10 that says “So do not fear; for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” God let me know and was reassuring me that there is nothing that I am going to face that God will not be right there holding me and carrying me through, giving me that special strength and peace that can only come from Him.
This month has been a hard month. It is the little things that I come across or remember that breaks my heart and makes me miss him so much. I came across his medical pager issued to him through the Transplant Center, the one that never got a chance to go off. I found myself running out of checks and had to reorder checks, and I had to remove his name which took everything in me to do. I had to take a copy of his Death Certificate and process a claim to pay off the car loan. Everywhere I look, I see him and I thank God that I was so blessed to have over 30 years with a Great Man that loved God and had a heart after God and loved the work of the Lord. I had what most women long for and dream of having, but don’t have in their marriages. My husband was a romantic and just the other night I came across a couple of poems he had written to me telling me how much he loved me and thanked God for me. Yes, I totally lost it and I believe that every inch of my being sobbed.
But then I read a scripture in Isaiah 41:10 that says “So do not fear; for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” God let me know and was reassuring me that there is nothing that I am going to face that God will not be right there holding me and carrying me through, giving me that special strength and peace that can only come from Him.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Please Lord
I had said many times that none of us are promised a tomorrow. This knowledge I knew with my mind, now I know it too well with my heart.
As my husband lay in ICU on life support I prayed "Lord, please don't take him away from me". I had watched him for over 2 years literally wither away losing about 100 lbs. Yet, now I stood over his frail body being kept alive by machines and medications telling him how much I loved him and that he had to fight. Each day his doctors would tell me how sick he was and that he was continuing day by day to develop new complications, but I kept praying healing over his body and believing in an Almighty God that is able.
Then the evening came when the Doctor stepped away from his bedside after working non-stop on him leaving all the nurses and attendees standing around his bed continuing to work on him, he escorted me out into the hallway and told me there was nothing else they could do and that his heart had stopped and he was gone.
There laying still and lifeless was not just my husband of over 30 years, but he was my partner in life, my soul mate and my best friend. Now he was gone and would never come home to me again, he was gone.
As I left the hospital that night to go home, I asked God, "How am I going to make it without him? God, I don't know what I am going to do. He has been so much a part of me and who I am." I felt like someone had literally cut out half my heart and half of everything inside of me.
The next few days following I found myself in the book of Psalms, it told me God was my strength and my help. I was also reminded by a friend, that I am complete in God and that ALL things work for my good.
I knew in my heart that my husband had suffered for so long and was so sick and was truly better off now. But that didn't mean that this knowledge took away how much I was missing coming home to him each night, our talks, watching our favorite movies together and just the time we spent together even if we said nothing. I thought about all the incomplete dreams we shared that would never take place now.
While God is still healing my loss and having to refill the emptiness I feel, I read in Ephesians 3:17-19 "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this Love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
This tells me How much God truly loves me and he wants the best for me. I am truly learning that the way we look at Love is so limited because it involves our own emotions, our own needs and our surroundings which have boundaries and an end to them. God's Love and his Faithfulness to us is endless and limitless and his giving never runs dry or runs out. His Love is unconditional and forever.
As my husband lay in ICU on life support I prayed "Lord, please don't take him away from me". I had watched him for over 2 years literally wither away losing about 100 lbs. Yet, now I stood over his frail body being kept alive by machines and medications telling him how much I loved him and that he had to fight. Each day his doctors would tell me how sick he was and that he was continuing day by day to develop new complications, but I kept praying healing over his body and believing in an Almighty God that is able.
Then the evening came when the Doctor stepped away from his bedside after working non-stop on him leaving all the nurses and attendees standing around his bed continuing to work on him, he escorted me out into the hallway and told me there was nothing else they could do and that his heart had stopped and he was gone.
There laying still and lifeless was not just my husband of over 30 years, but he was my partner in life, my soul mate and my best friend. Now he was gone and would never come home to me again, he was gone.
As I left the hospital that night to go home, I asked God, "How am I going to make it without him? God, I don't know what I am going to do. He has been so much a part of me and who I am." I felt like someone had literally cut out half my heart and half of everything inside of me.
The next few days following I found myself in the book of Psalms, it told me God was my strength and my help. I was also reminded by a friend, that I am complete in God and that ALL things work for my good.
I knew in my heart that my husband had suffered for so long and was so sick and was truly better off now. But that didn't mean that this knowledge took away how much I was missing coming home to him each night, our talks, watching our favorite movies together and just the time we spent together even if we said nothing. I thought about all the incomplete dreams we shared that would never take place now.
While God is still healing my loss and having to refill the emptiness I feel, I read in Ephesians 3:17-19 "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this Love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
This tells me How much God truly loves me and he wants the best for me. I am truly learning that the way we look at Love is so limited because it involves our own emotions, our own needs and our surroundings which have boundaries and an end to them. God's Love and his Faithfulness to us is endless and limitless and his giving never runs dry or runs out. His Love is unconditional and forever.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
THE GREAT POTTER
By: Gloria Lucy Fernandez Canque (Chiriqui, Panama)
Jeremiah 18:1-6 (NRSV) The word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: "Come, go down to the potter's house, and there I will let you hear my words." So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. The vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as seemed good to him.Then the word of the LORD came to me: Can I not do with you, O house of Israel, just as this potter has done? says the LORD. Just like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.- Isaiah 64:8 (NRSV)
IN our ceramics class, we worked on various flowerpot and planter designs. While one of my companions was putting the finishing touches on a beautiful flowerpot, a sudden movement caused it to break in her hands. The instructor told her it could not be used. She was given fresh clay to start on another project. As I worked on my project, I thought how much we are like clay in the hands of the Lord. When we accept the Lord, the Lord guides us and, like a potter, gives shape to our lives. But unlike the pot my friend made, when events in our lives break us, that is not the end. Jesus Christ takes the shattered pieces and remakes our lives. Though we cannot accomplish it ourselves, the Lord can transform us into a new creation.
Prayer: Merciful Lord, take us in your hands; mold and transform us. Make us a new creation as we pray, "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. Give us day by day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil."* Amen.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:When we allow the Lord's transforming power to work within us, we are continually being made new. --
Jeremiah 18:1-6 (NRSV) The word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: "Come, go down to the potter's house, and there I will let you hear my words." So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. The vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as seemed good to him.Then the word of the LORD came to me: Can I not do with you, O house of Israel, just as this potter has done? says the LORD. Just like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.- Isaiah 64:8 (NRSV)
IN our ceramics class, we worked on various flowerpot and planter designs. While one of my companions was putting the finishing touches on a beautiful flowerpot, a sudden movement caused it to break in her hands. The instructor told her it could not be used. She was given fresh clay to start on another project. As I worked on my project, I thought how much we are like clay in the hands of the Lord. When we accept the Lord, the Lord guides us and, like a potter, gives shape to our lives. But unlike the pot my friend made, when events in our lives break us, that is not the end. Jesus Christ takes the shattered pieces and remakes our lives. Though we cannot accomplish it ourselves, the Lord can transform us into a new creation.
Prayer: Merciful Lord, take us in your hands; mold and transform us. Make us a new creation as we pray, "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. Give us day by day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil."* Amen.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:When we allow the Lord's transforming power to work within us, we are continually being made new. --
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Mothers and Their Children
It never ceases to amaze me.....Mothers and their Children. A Mother's love for her child never sees the true child. It is because they always see through a Mother's eyes, eyes that see through love and they only see their baby when they look at the little monster.
It doesn't make any difference that their child or children have been suspended from school, picked up by the police, or even arrested for drunkeness or theft or drugs or vandalism or fighting. Even despite the fact that their actions and doings have been seen by everyone else.
When asked, the mother will always say my son or daughter is a good boy or girl. And inevitably it is always the other person's fault. To them their child is still their baby and there is nothing wrong with the child. Mothers will push their children on everyone friends, family and yes even strangers because everyone should love their child, pay lots of attention to their child and above all compliment them regardless of what they've done.
Mothers cannot comprehend that there is no humanly possible way for ANYONE other than themselves, not even their Fathers or Grandparents to love that child or see that child the same way they do. Everyone else can see the child for who or what they really are while No one else, but their mother sees them through a mother's eyes....The Eyes of Love.
With Love This Strong, would you believe there is still another Love is that even greater? That is the Love that God has for his children. God loved us before the foundation of the world even existed (creation). He loved us and knew us before we were even conceived. He loved us so much that sent his son Jesus to Die on the Cross and shed his innocent blood on our behalf. And what is so wonderful is that he loves us still regardless of who or what we are and freely invites each of us to accept him into our hearts as our Lord and Savior and have eternal life.
It doesn't make any difference that their child or children have been suspended from school, picked up by the police, or even arrested for drunkeness or theft or drugs or vandalism or fighting. Even despite the fact that their actions and doings have been seen by everyone else.
When asked, the mother will always say my son or daughter is a good boy or girl. And inevitably it is always the other person's fault. To them their child is still their baby and there is nothing wrong with the child. Mothers will push their children on everyone friends, family and yes even strangers because everyone should love their child, pay lots of attention to their child and above all compliment them regardless of what they've done.
Mothers cannot comprehend that there is no humanly possible way for ANYONE other than themselves, not even their Fathers or Grandparents to love that child or see that child the same way they do. Everyone else can see the child for who or what they really are while No one else, but their mother sees them through a mother's eyes....The Eyes of Love.
With Love This Strong, would you believe there is still another Love is that even greater? That is the Love that God has for his children. God loved us before the foundation of the world even existed (creation). He loved us and knew us before we were even conceived. He loved us so much that sent his son Jesus to Die on the Cross and shed his innocent blood on our behalf. And what is so wonderful is that he loves us still regardless of who or what we are and freely invites each of us to accept him into our hearts as our Lord and Savior and have eternal life.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Forgiving Others
It is so hard to forgive those who hurt us so deeply. We may “SAY” we forgive them, but we don’t leave the hurt feelings and the issue at the feet of Jesus. Each of us tend to pick them right back up and stuff them in deep hidden place only for Satan to find our hiding place and bring them up again.
I’ve even heard people say, “I have a right to be angry and hate them after what they did to me”. But God has a very different view in the matter.
This is the email Word for the Day I received.“You are not among those who seek revenge. Some carry their revenge and vengeance for the rest of their lives because someone offended or transgressed their "rights." There are believers today who live by the law "and eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." They did not learn this from Me. I gave a better way when Jesus died on the cross. He introduced grace and mercy with unconditional love. I say unto you, examine yourself today and see if you have any revenge or vengeance in your heart. If you find any at all, repent quickly and bring those offenders with you to My throne of grace. There you will find grace in your time of need.”
I’ve even heard people say, “I have a right to be angry and hate them after what they did to me”. But God has a very different view in the matter.
This is the email Word for the Day I received.“You are not among those who seek revenge. Some carry their revenge and vengeance for the rest of their lives because someone offended or transgressed their "rights." There are believers today who live by the law "and eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." They did not learn this from Me. I gave a better way when Jesus died on the cross. He introduced grace and mercy with unconditional love. I say unto you, examine yourself today and see if you have any revenge or vengeance in your heart. If you find any at all, repent quickly and bring those offenders with you to My throne of grace. There you will find grace in your time of need.”
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
OPENED AND CLOSED
I received this email forward from a friend and wanted to pass its power message along.....
We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we do for open doors.
The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong door we would never find our way to the right door.
Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through the closing and opening of doors.
When one door closes, it forces us to change our course. Another door closes; it forces us to change our course yet again. Then finally, we find the open door and walk right into our blessing.
But instead of praising God for the closed door (which kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we "judge by the appearances."
And in our own arrogance, or ignorance, we insist that we know what is right.
We have a very present help in the time of need that is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of us, He can see trouble down the road and HE sets up roadblocks and detours accordingly.
But through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour signs.
Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying "Lord how could this happen to me?" We have got to realize that the closed door was a blessing.
Didn't He say "No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him?"
If you get terminated from your job - don't be down, instead thank God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves - it might be a better job, or an opportunity to go to school. If that man or woman won't return your call - it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go). One time a person had a bank he had been doing business with for many years tell him "NO" for a $10,000 loan.
The Lord led him to call another bank. That bank approved a $40,000 loan for him at a lower interest rate than his own bank had advertised. I'm so grateful, for the many times God has closed doors to me, just to open them in the most unexpected places.
The Mountaintop is glorious, but it is in the Valley that I will grow! Always Remember God gives you...
Ø Enough Happiness to keep you Sweet
Ø Enough Trials to keep you Strong
Ø Enough Sorrows to keep you Human
Ø Enough Hope to keep you Happy
Ø Enough Failure to keep you Humble
Ø Enough Success to keep you Eager
Ø Enough Friends to give you Comfort
Ø Enough Wealth to meet your Needs
Ø Enough Enthusiasm to make you look forward
Ø Enough Faith to banish depression, &
Ø Enough Determination to make each day a better day than the last. Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.
We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we do for open doors.
The reason God closes doors is because He has not prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong door we would never find our way to the right door.
Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through the closing and opening of doors.
When one door closes, it forces us to change our course. Another door closes; it forces us to change our course yet again. Then finally, we find the open door and walk right into our blessing.
But instead of praising God for the closed door (which kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we "judge by the appearances."
And in our own arrogance, or ignorance, we insist that we know what is right.
We have a very present help in the time of need that is always standing guard. Because He walks ahead of us, He can see trouble down the road and HE sets up roadblocks and detours accordingly.
But through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the detour signs.
Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying "Lord how could this happen to me?" We have got to realize that the closed door was a blessing.
Didn't He say "No good thing will He withhold from them that love Him?"
If you get terminated from your job - don't be down, instead thank God for the new opportunities that will manifest themselves - it might be a better job, or an opportunity to go to school. If that man or woman won't return your call - it might not be them, it might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go). One time a person had a bank he had been doing business with for many years tell him "NO" for a $10,000 loan.
The Lord led him to call another bank. That bank approved a $40,000 loan for him at a lower interest rate than his own bank had advertised. I'm so grateful, for the many times God has closed doors to me, just to open them in the most unexpected places.
The Mountaintop is glorious, but it is in the Valley that I will grow! Always Remember God gives you...
Ø Enough Happiness to keep you Sweet
Ø Enough Trials to keep you Strong
Ø Enough Sorrows to keep you Human
Ø Enough Hope to keep you Happy
Ø Enough Failure to keep you Humble
Ø Enough Success to keep you Eager
Ø Enough Friends to give you Comfort
Ø Enough Wealth to meet your Needs
Ø Enough Enthusiasm to make you look forward
Ø Enough Faith to banish depression, &
Ø Enough Determination to make each day a better day than the last. Life must be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
HE IS THE FIRST AND LAST
HE IS THE FIRST AND LAST (an email forward)
~author unknown~
He is the First and Last,the Beginning and the End!
He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!
He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times.
He always was,
He always is,
and He always will be ...
unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings Peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain Him,
and The leaders can't ignore Him.
Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him,
and The people couldn't hold Him!
Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him,
and "Oprah" can't explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.
He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right,
His word is eternal,
His will is unchanging,
And His mind is on me.
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my guide,
andHe is my peace!
He is my Joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord,
andHe rules my life!
I serve Him becauseHis bond is love,
His burden is light,
and His goal for me is abundant life.
~author unknown~
He is the First and Last,the Beginning and the End!
He is the keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!
He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times.
He always was,
He always is,
and He always will be ...
unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings Peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain Him,
and The leaders can't ignore Him.
Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him,
and The people couldn't hold Him!
Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him,
and "Oprah" can't explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.
He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right,
His word is eternal,
His will is unchanging,
And His mind is on me.
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my guide,
andHe is my peace!
He is my Joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord,
andHe rules my life!
I serve Him becauseHis bond is love,
His burden is light,
and His goal for me is abundant life.
Monday, August 13, 2007
A Woman’s Price Tag
By Bonita Lillie
Scripture
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10 (NIV)
Devotion:
I looked like a peacock strutting in full splendor, displaying regal feathers. I was wearing my “coat of many colors,” a plaid sateen jacket, a gift from my sanguine mother who loves color and flair. It felt awkward wearing my mother’s personality. I err to the conservative side, preferring that all eyes not be on me. Uneasily, I slid into one of the front rows of the church, hoping the shine of the jacket wouldn’t distract people from the sermon.
I became engrossed in the service and it wasn’t until after church was over that the jacket came to mind again. My neck was itching and as I reached back to scratch it I was horrified to discover that the price tag to my new jacket was hanging down my back. Worse yet, I wasn’t just on sale, I was on clearance! I guess my fellow worshippers were too embarrassed to tell me.
Unfortunately, many of us are like that jacket. We look good, but we have an imaginary price tag hanging not on our clothes, but on our person. We see ourselves as cheap, not worth much, possibly even on God’s clearance rack. We don’t believe anyone could ever love us and certainly, God could never use us in His plan, but nothing could be further from the truth.
It’s interesting that in Proverbs 31 before God ever addresses the godly woman’s “to do” list, he establishes her worth. Before she ever says or does anything, He deems her worthy, apart from all works and He does it in such a way that we can never forget it. He doesn’t just label her adequate, but He raves about her, ranking her superior to the rarest, most exquisite stones. God’s woman is worth more than costly gems. That woman is you!
Your worth isn’t wrapped up in your accomplishments, possessions, job title, popularity, or looks. It isn’t about what others think of you, good or bad. It doesn’t even matter what you think of yourself. We can be our harshest critic, can’t we? Your worth has nothing to do with any of those things or even your ability to carry out the duties listed in Proverbs 31. You are precious to God simply because you are His child.
The truth is that one day you did have a price tag hanging on you. I Corinthians 6:20 says, “you were bought with a price.” Yet, you weren’t cheap. In fact, it cost God everything to purchase you for Himself. You are one valuable lady, a woman deeply loved and valued by God. You mean the world and all to Him!
Prayer:
Father, when I’m tempted to look down on myself or feel unworthy, help me to hold my head high, knowing that my value doesn’t come from my own feelings, but from You. You say I’m valuable and that is enough. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Make eye contact with yourself in a mirror and repeat after me: I have value. I have worth. No matter how I feel, God’s word is true. He loves me. He values me. I am important.
Reflections:
Do you have a favorite piece of jewelry or maybe a certain type of stone that sets your heart a pitter-patter? Take a few moments to think about the beautiful facets of those gems. Ask God to bring this picture to mind when you start to thinking negative thoughts about yourself.
By Bonita Lillie
Scripture
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10 (NIV)
Devotion:
I looked like a peacock strutting in full splendor, displaying regal feathers. I was wearing my “coat of many colors,” a plaid sateen jacket, a gift from my sanguine mother who loves color and flair. It felt awkward wearing my mother’s personality. I err to the conservative side, preferring that all eyes not be on me. Uneasily, I slid into one of the front rows of the church, hoping the shine of the jacket wouldn’t distract people from the sermon.
I became engrossed in the service and it wasn’t until after church was over that the jacket came to mind again. My neck was itching and as I reached back to scratch it I was horrified to discover that the price tag to my new jacket was hanging down my back. Worse yet, I wasn’t just on sale, I was on clearance! I guess my fellow worshippers were too embarrassed to tell me.
Unfortunately, many of us are like that jacket. We look good, but we have an imaginary price tag hanging not on our clothes, but on our person. We see ourselves as cheap, not worth much, possibly even on God’s clearance rack. We don’t believe anyone could ever love us and certainly, God could never use us in His plan, but nothing could be further from the truth.
It’s interesting that in Proverbs 31 before God ever addresses the godly woman’s “to do” list, he establishes her worth. Before she ever says or does anything, He deems her worthy, apart from all works and He does it in such a way that we can never forget it. He doesn’t just label her adequate, but He raves about her, ranking her superior to the rarest, most exquisite stones. God’s woman is worth more than costly gems. That woman is you!
Your worth isn’t wrapped up in your accomplishments, possessions, job title, popularity, or looks. It isn’t about what others think of you, good or bad. It doesn’t even matter what you think of yourself. We can be our harshest critic, can’t we? Your worth has nothing to do with any of those things or even your ability to carry out the duties listed in Proverbs 31. You are precious to God simply because you are His child.
The truth is that one day you did have a price tag hanging on you. I Corinthians 6:20 says, “you were bought with a price.” Yet, you weren’t cheap. In fact, it cost God everything to purchase you for Himself. You are one valuable lady, a woman deeply loved and valued by God. You mean the world and all to Him!
Prayer:
Father, when I’m tempted to look down on myself or feel unworthy, help me to hold my head high, knowing that my value doesn’t come from my own feelings, but from You. You say I’m valuable and that is enough. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Make eye contact with yourself in a mirror and repeat after me: I have value. I have worth. No matter how I feel, God’s word is true. He loves me. He values me. I am important.
Reflections:
Do you have a favorite piece of jewelry or maybe a certain type of stone that sets your heart a pitter-patter? Take a few moments to think about the beautiful facets of those gems. Ask God to bring this picture to mind when you start to thinking negative thoughts about yourself.
Friday, August 10, 2007
GOD IS FAITHFUL TO US
“Bucket of Blessings”
By Zoë Elmore
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
Devotion:
It was Friday afternoon and Tom arrived home early from work carrying a beautiful arrangement of cut flowers. I took the flowers from him, placed them on the counter then threw my arms around his neck squealing with delight and kissed his face.
Tom lowered my arms and he lowered his head as he began to tell me that his job had just been eliminated, and in a few short weeks, he would be unemployed. I couldn’t breathe or even speak.
We spent much of the night crying and discussing the details of what we would need to do while we waited for the Lord to open the next job opportunity. Over that next week I enjoyed carrying my beautiful flower arrangement from room to room not wanting to miss one moment of their beauty. Sadly, the blooms on my beautiful arrangement began to fade and I removed the wilted and brown flowers from their container and placed them in the garbage. I thought about holding on to a few of them as a memory of my husband’s tenderness toward me, but the Lord whispered, “Throw the blooms away but save the little blue container. I am going to fill it to overflowing.” Reluctantly I threw out the flowers, placed the little blue container in my kitchen and named it our “bucket of blessing”.
Throughout the long ten months of waiting for Tom to begin working again we received many cards, e-mails and phone calls encouraging us to persevere. Month after month we placed these encouragements in our bucket of blessing and before long it was filled to overflowing. It contained words of encouragement from friends and family, and stories of my husband’s integrity in his former job. Additionally, we placed in there reminders of kind gestures, unexpected gifts of kindness and nuggets of gold from God’s holy word. When either of us was tempted to feel discouraged we would remove one of those blessings from the bucket and read it. Each one was not only a reminder of God’s faithful provision to us but also God’s very presence with us.
Although Tom and I did not know what our future held, our confidence that God’s hand sustains and provides through times of uncertainty was greatly magnified. Although the flowers in that container were beautiful, their beauty only lasted a few days; however the blessings now held in our bucket will last a lifetime. Our circumstances may have changed, however God’s faithfulness does not ever change. The Bible is filled to overflowing with rich words of encouragement to trust the One who created us and who is faithful to sustain us.
Jehovah Jirah - He is faithful to provide!
By Zoë Elmore
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
Devotion:
It was Friday afternoon and Tom arrived home early from work carrying a beautiful arrangement of cut flowers. I took the flowers from him, placed them on the counter then threw my arms around his neck squealing with delight and kissed his face.
Tom lowered my arms and he lowered his head as he began to tell me that his job had just been eliminated, and in a few short weeks, he would be unemployed. I couldn’t breathe or even speak.
We spent much of the night crying and discussing the details of what we would need to do while we waited for the Lord to open the next job opportunity. Over that next week I enjoyed carrying my beautiful flower arrangement from room to room not wanting to miss one moment of their beauty. Sadly, the blooms on my beautiful arrangement began to fade and I removed the wilted and brown flowers from their container and placed them in the garbage. I thought about holding on to a few of them as a memory of my husband’s tenderness toward me, but the Lord whispered, “Throw the blooms away but save the little blue container. I am going to fill it to overflowing.” Reluctantly I threw out the flowers, placed the little blue container in my kitchen and named it our “bucket of blessing”.
Throughout the long ten months of waiting for Tom to begin working again we received many cards, e-mails and phone calls encouraging us to persevere. Month after month we placed these encouragements in our bucket of blessing and before long it was filled to overflowing. It contained words of encouragement from friends and family, and stories of my husband’s integrity in his former job. Additionally, we placed in there reminders of kind gestures, unexpected gifts of kindness and nuggets of gold from God’s holy word. When either of us was tempted to feel discouraged we would remove one of those blessings from the bucket and read it. Each one was not only a reminder of God’s faithful provision to us but also God’s very presence with us.
Although Tom and I did not know what our future held, our confidence that God’s hand sustains and provides through times of uncertainty was greatly magnified. Although the flowers in that container were beautiful, their beauty only lasted a few days; however the blessings now held in our bucket will last a lifetime. Our circumstances may have changed, however God’s faithfulness does not ever change. The Bible is filled to overflowing with rich words of encouragement to trust the One who created us and who is faithful to sustain us.
Jehovah Jirah - He is faithful to provide!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
TEACH MY HEART
Teach my heart to sing,
to find sweet melodies
for every living thing.
Teach my heart to love,
to share with the unlovable
hope from above.
Teach my heart to weep,
to shed soul cleansing tears
when sorrow's deep.
Teach my heart to pray,
that I may offer praise along the way.
And teach my heart to care,
when there's no one else
let me be there.
~Dorothy Miller Birdwell~
to find sweet melodies
for every living thing.
Teach my heart to love,
to share with the unlovable
hope from above.
Teach my heart to weep,
to shed soul cleansing tears
when sorrow's deep.
Teach my heart to pray,
that I may offer praise along the way.
And teach my heart to care,
when there's no one else
let me be there.
~Dorothy Miller Birdwell~
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
WHERE'S THE FRUIT?
One day I was talking to someone about the pecan trees in our backyard. They told me that they remembered one specific tree that yielded a double pecan. Their comment caused me to start thinking. It is the purpose of that particular pecan tree to yield that specific type of pecan, just as it is the purpose of our fig trees to yield figs in the appropriate season. Every creation of God has a purpose and he created us to produce. I’m not referring to procreation, but rather the spiritual production of fruit. My research took me to the book of Galatians.
Galatians 5:16-25
16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
This scripture brought up new thoughts for me. If I choose to walk (live) in the flesh (old sinful nature), these are the fruits I will produce. On the other hand, if I choose to walk (live) in the spirit (new nature that God gives us) I will produce the good fruits.
What is it that causes all these good fruits to form? The key word is the same word that was verbalized to me regarding my pecan trees and that word was “Yield”. Just because a person accepts Jesus Christ as their personal Savior it doesn’t necessarily mean that all these good fruits (attributes) will suddenly appear. We expect to see fruit, but it comes with Christian Growth, Maturity and Holiness. We cannot continue to do the same things as we’ve always done them (our way). We must be obedient to God and his Word and “Yield” ourselves and our wills to him. When we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts and lives each day we will begin to bear his fruit.
Matthew 7:16-18,20
“By their fruits you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit , and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit…Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”
What kind of fruit are you yielding?
Galatians 5:16-25
16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
This scripture brought up new thoughts for me. If I choose to walk (live) in the flesh (old sinful nature), these are the fruits I will produce. On the other hand, if I choose to walk (live) in the spirit (new nature that God gives us) I will produce the good fruits.
What is it that causes all these good fruits to form? The key word is the same word that was verbalized to me regarding my pecan trees and that word was “Yield”. Just because a person accepts Jesus Christ as their personal Savior it doesn’t necessarily mean that all these good fruits (attributes) will suddenly appear. We expect to see fruit, but it comes with Christian Growth, Maturity and Holiness. We cannot continue to do the same things as we’ve always done them (our way). We must be obedient to God and his Word and “Yield” ourselves and our wills to him. When we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts and lives each day we will begin to bear his fruit.
Matthew 7:16-18,20
“By their fruits you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit , and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit…Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”
What kind of fruit are you yielding?
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